Need help dealing with spoiled 2 year old!! I'm stuck!

Hey guys!
I apologize for the length but I'm in need of some serious advice. So just to have some background info, it's just mom and her son in this family. Mom had her ovarian eggs frozen at a young age and had a baby later on in life (in her 50's) via artificial insemination. After 5 miscarriages, she had a miracle baby boy, alex. Mom works from home in marketing. Her parenting style is beginning to cause issues. She does not believe in discipline. My first day nannying for her, alex was throwing food on the floor, telling me to shut up, and spitting on me; so I of course corrected him as gently as possible and said that this actions weren't nice and that he hurt my feelings. Mom immediately came out to hug him and let me know that she does not like anybody correcting alex besides her....Since alex is in his terrible twos phase, she'll sometimes lose patience and yell at him but will quickly apologize to him and cry out of guilt. She once spanked alex and felt so guilty that she punched a hole in her wall. Another perfect example, 2 days ago I was feeding him breakfast and he began throwing his food and screaming that he wanted ice cream for breakfast, I of course told him no so he proceeded to hit me and began screaming for his mom. She came in the kitchen and immediately made him an ice cream cone... she does little things like this allll the time and at first I tolerated it but now it's getting exhausting. I can't give a rule out without this little boy throwing a tantrum and asking for his mom (of course since mom lets him do whatever). If alex doesn't like what's for dinner, mom will make 4-5 different meals until she finds something that he will eat. Anything that alex refuses to eat is thrown away. It honestly hurts my soul seeing how much food is wasted at that house. If alex falls, trips, or bumps into something she takes it way out of proportion. Same with tantrums, I have learned through experience and other moms that when a toddler throws a tantrum, the best thing to do is wait it out and let them release that frustration. Alex's mom has ended important business calls before in order to run and see how she can cheer up Alex in the middle of a tantrum. I'm never allowed to take control. Alex attends daycare twice a week and she switched him to a different daycare all because his previous daycare teacher was giving him regular milk instead of organic and because alex always cried when she dropped him off in the mornings.....The most frustrating part is that 70% of the time she's free but when she has important conference calls and Alex screams for her or throws tantrums she gets annoyed as if it were my fault for not being able to controlling her child but I'm given no power to discipline whatsoever. At this point I don't know what to do... the money is good, she's super nice to me and treats me like a second daughter but her "gentle parenting" and "no discipline" tactic on top of the terrible twos phase and me not being able to execute control is driving me insane. What do you guys think about all this?? Please let me know!

Comments

You are dealing with a permissive mother so there will be no way to do your job properly as she will always undermine you . Something bad could happen as well while the child is under your care because since you have absolutely no control , you can’t predict weather he is going to suddenly run off the road . Things can turn tragically very fast as a child that doesn’t have any discipline will always push the limits further to see how far he can go . The mother will have a big reality check when he becomes a teen but that of course won’t be your problem but hers and the people who will deal with her children.

I’m sorry to say it but you need to hand in your notice and go for a job where you’ll keep your sanity intact and allowed to raise a child properly .( with principle , manners , age appropriate independence learning and so on) . I only work for families that doesn’t get in my way discipline wise therefore it’s important to go for the match from a the beginning to win some time .

You need to go for an authoritative family if you want to be aloud to appropriately discipline the kids your caring for .

Good luck !

I think you should quit. This reminds me of a boss I used yo have. She had two kids and she worked from home (She didn't say this at the job interview) of course. But she would come out of office if she heard of her 2 year old crying if he tripped. And would kiss him....then he didn't want to be with me. Sometimes I worked 10 hours + a day. He wouldn't nap since he was expecting her to get him out of crib, which she would do all the time. It would annoy me so I don't have any break. He would throw food, fork, etc. He would ask for snack instead of food I served for him and he cried if I said he needed to eat food, then mom would come our and give him snack. I lasted more than a year there because I needed the money but it was very difficult. I say quit if you can

I know exactly what you’re going through and it’s tough. I’m in a similar situation, though not as bad (still bad though), and also work for someone who loves control. I watch an almost 2 y/o girl and she has gotten her way since day 1. I’m finally allowed to correct her, but it has to be in a certain tone. Of course I set my own boundaries with her over time when we would go to the park or when mom goes out, and she responds very well to me (kids actually crave guidance), but every time mom is around, she is crazy and naughty. Lunch time lasts for an hour or longer and consists of her throwing things, not eating her food because she can get away with it, and expects to be entertained since that’s what mom has done from the beginning. But my advice to you would be to leave. After a while it starts to break you down for all sorts of reasons, and it’s just not healthy. I’m planning on leaving in about 6 months when I have another job lined up and some career decisions made. The best of luck to you!