So I've been nannying for a family with one child, a 5 yr old boy with autism and ADHD (he's very verbal but is repetitive and likes routine). When I first started with him, I just did everything the parents said because I know they've done their research and they know their son. The only problem is, he won't eat. He "jogs", which means he'll eat a lot of the same food and then "lose" that food entirely (refuses to eat it ever). Today his dad ate breakfast with us, like every morning, and he said "ok, you eat your bacon and then you can play with blahblahblah". He imediately starts chattering about playing and I say "ok, but first you've gotta eat your bacon". The kid starts getting mad, says "no I don't!" And crawls into his dads lap. The dad says to me "we don't say gotta, no ultimatums". In the beginning this made sense to me. But now, I'm a few months in, and this kid barely eats. He has a very specific meal plan to help avoid "jogging" foods, but he is still losing foods that are on his meal plan. I'm blamed when he doesnt eat, and I can't tell him he has to eat because he knows he doesn't. This isn't an autism thing, his parents have taught him that if he doesn't want to eat something, no one will force him, which goes against everything I believe in - sometimes, kids just need to be told what to do, and forced to do it because otherwise they'll learn and continue to fight back.
Never the less, he is autistic. I have some experience with special needs kids, but not with someone as young as this kid. I don't really know what to do, I really like this family but it's frustrating to not be able to follow through on your morals, and even more frustrating to be blamed for something you can't control because of the rules set in place for you by the very people blaming you. Anyone with more experience have wisdom to share?