Half vent/rant, half please help!

I'm done. And at this point, I feel it is not fair to the kids for me to be their caregiver. However it's, slightly more complicated than that...

So I am a full time nanny to a 4y (tomorrow!), a 2y5m and they're expecting a newborn in late march/early April. I've been with them for the last almost 2 ½ years now and absolutely love them. They at dream children and although it was rough at first, I've come to really appreciate their parents.

Over the course of the time I've been with them, we've done a share off and on with MB's twin sisters kids who live around the corner. They are 5 and 2y4m. I watch them 2-3 days a week and they have another older nanny who watches them the other days (she's an old family friend who the dad has known since his childhood). It's always been that this share arrangement goes on for a few months and then they work something else out and then that doesn't work out so they come back to me again. I don't mind the share - I've always been a share nanny so it doesn't phase me to have multiple kids from different families/very close in age. The problem is that our "parenting" views are different. I believe in fostering independence and responsibility, while they are still spoon feeding the 5 year old. I'm not judging or anything. But it's very difficult to have a child who spends 5 days being waited on hand and foot with no structure or discipline at all and then come spend 2 days with us. It's frustrating for all of us - especially the 2y4m cousin. It was fine when he was a baby but now that he's a full on toddler, I'm not really okay with letting him do whatever he wants and not having any desire to follow our rules... especially with 3 other kids.

I do get paid significantly more with the cousins.. $26/hr vs $20.. but I just find myself feeling like it's more work and stress than it's worth. I'm leaving more and more often unbelievably frustrated and I'm just over it. I'm just so turned off by him and his brother. I've posted about the 5 year old several times about our communication issues and my struggle with him. The 2 year old is literally the grossest person I've ever come in contact with. I know it's really not his fault but it really doesn't help any. He's constantly drooling - like spit pouring out of his mouth - and he always has his hands in his mouth so he's constantly just wet everywhere - STILL. I've never been so repulsed by a dirty diaper - the smell is unreal. He naturally has smell that just doesn't agree with me, I've even tried bathing him because I thought maybe he just was dirty.. no, it's his natural smell. Today was icing on the cake - I changed his diaper and then took the crew to the 4 year olds hour long gymnastics class. We came straight home afterwards and I made them lunch. I go to put the cousin in his seat and immediately want to throw up from his smell. Then I realize he is SOPPING wet, like dripping. I realize it's not his fault but after already feeling defeated because for some reason everyone decided it was ignore and/or stare as if I were speaking Chinese today... so I get him cleaned up and admittedly had a grumpy attitude about it. Then the cable guy came to fix the tv since my normal people just moved into this house this week, so I'm helping him. I go to get everyone ready for nap and the cousin is COVERED in nasty chewed up food. Like I immediately thought he had thrown up. But he didn't smell like barf and there wasn't any anywhere.. so I realize he had been chewing his food with his hands in his mouth and then spreading the chewed up remnants ALL OVER the kitchen - which I realized after I had put him in bed.
It's just been a very full day of "Are you freaking kidding me??"

The dad is super disrespectful and awful - stereotypical cop, super arrogant and just awful. I hate their house haha it's so gross - like they've literally never cleaned a day they've been here. They have a maid who comes twice a month but... no. And I'm not here to deep clean their house AND struggle with their kids and be treated like crap by their dad. I hate their dog. He's gross and annoying haha I've posted several times about all the car seat struggles I've had with this family as well. It's awful. And I HAVE to drive the 4 of them in their car because mine only has 3 back seats and I have to drop off and pick up THEIR son from school. It's just all around a super annoying and frustrating situation and I'm finally at the point where I want to be done with the cousins.

My problem is I don't know how to quit them and not the other kids. I thought about using the new baby as an excuse but that is too far away I think.... ugh. Anyone have any suggestions or advice?

Comments

Is this the original family? Sorry. pregnancy brain. Can't tell if you mean quit the original or cousins? If it's the cousins you want to quit, it's simple. Just say you want to spend as much time with your NKs as possible before their sibling is born.

Man, I don't know how you lasted this long. :(
To get out of the situation gracefully, I would just say that you feel you need a change for a position that is less demanding on your energy. I would take the blame on myself so that you do not burn any bridges once you leave.
Just my two cents worth. Good luck

That does sound like a frustrating situation but if you're no longer able to be compassionate towards the children then you absolutely need to move on. I would explain to the parents what you explained here, that the new baby is coming and it'll be more work with an infant and you just don't want to over-extend yourself. Will it be awkward? maybe but I'm sure in your mind you're building it up to be much worse than it actually will turn out to be.

I want to stay with my original two (and the new baby) and have no desire to watch the cousins any longer. Sorry that my post was kind of all over the place.

Lia - you're pregnant again?? Congratulations!!!!!

The moms are identical twin sisters and they literally do everything together. But it's not fair to either family for me to continue to do both. The five year old is constantly late to school, my original kids don't get to go out and do fun activities because we're always bound by school pickups and the younger cousin not listening. I'm very uncomfortable in the cousins house because of how disgusting it is AND how the dad treats me like I'm an inmate in interrogation. It's just all around not fair for anyone. I'm going to try and talk to my regular DB since he's the most neutral and figure out how we can go back to just his kids without burning any bridges..

I am pregnerant ( spelling purposely like this). Thanks. Last baby!

I would talk to original MB. And let her know you want to focus on her kids. Keep it positive because they're her niece and nephew after all. Just say: you're so excited for the new baby. And want to get in as much special time possible with your kids

Congratulations. So excited for you. I feel like you were ill a lot with the first pregnancy- am I remembering that right? I hope you are well this time. And if I am wrong - good no one wants to be very ill when they are pregnant.

Yes. I tend to get HG every time! This time it's a lot worse. I took a leave from work. Have spent the last three weeks almost exclusively in bed. It's hard!

This is such a tough situation. I just can't see you being able to separate without offending one or both families. It's such a bummer. I do hope it works out.

I could not do your job. One family is enough to care for and transporting and picking up messy kids and dealing with the Second family-cousins is too much! Rude Dad, no way would I put up with this stress. Most of my dads have been very nice and Thankful that I am doing the job and caring for the kids. Nanny sharing only works for the Parents to Save money, not the nanny. We as nannies get more work, dirty houses, nasty kids and jerks for the second family. Some families try to make nanny feel guilty when you give your notice, so Beware. If you want to Stay with the First Family who has a new baby coming, then Tell Mom you can no longer Help her sister as it is just too much! Do not mention how gross and how rude their dad is, it will get back and just make things too uncomfortable. I would have a Sit Down with mom and Tell her. One family, the pregnant expecting one, and No to the Second Family. I think they already know how gross their kids are and people with Dirty Houses just don't care. SO, you keep on until the new baby arrives, then quit the second family OR just tell the mom that I'm quitting the second family Now. If she is smart she will keep you as her nanny especially that she has a new baby coming and Needs You! In the meantime, Look for a totally New Job, one family, one baby and a toddler.
I nanny-shared for 2 years, two different families, two different houses and families, not related. I took it as one family was two days per week 24 hours, and the second family 3 days per week. Each family had one baby each. The 3 day family was great, clean, cool couple, their son was 1 when I started. The 2 day family were dirty, dirty with two 80 lb. dogs running mud in and out of the house with a crawling baby there! Did not bother them at all. Mom worked two 12 hour days and dad traveled for his job. I worked alone most of the time. After two years of dirt, dogs and dog hair and a toddler that had major speech delays and anemia, I quit. I looked for months to find a NB with a normal clean house. There are very few Clean homes or drug free, alcohol free parents, believe me. It seems that all families have something, no one is perfect. I just Cannot put up with gross, dirty, rude kids who know better. Sounds like the second families kids are raising themselves? We are not social workers, child psychologists or maids, just nannies. I would talk soon or get out before new baby comes. Keep in touch and updated on how Your Talk goes. miss pat