Feeling part of the family

Dear friends,

In which situation you feel like you are or aren´t part of the family, as a live-in nanny? I don´know why but sometimes I feel upset in specific situations and I wonder why I want so badly to feel like I am a family member?!


I never want to feel like family! I'm an employee. I have my family. Being treated like family is a recipe for boundary crossing on both sides. I'm sorry you're upset, people have different needs. Maybe develope a wider social circle so you arent depending on them

I do not want to feel like family. Family does favors and "pitches in", and is included in social events. I have a family that requires enough of my personal off work time as it is, I need my time with my husband and no one else to recharge. It really sucks having to turn people down for family dinners all the time so I prefer to keep firm boundaries. I don't wish to be invited to family parties or kids birthdays unless I'm paid because anytime I've gone I always end up working. And to me this job is work, I don't love the children the way their family does. I don't think about them a ton outside of work for my own sanity. So I enjoy having nice firm boundaries. I'm an introvert and my work is exhausting.

I think I do see it from a different point of view. I've been with my current family for almost 6 yrs, since the children were infants. And they have become a second family. I regularly chat with both grandmoms about the kids activities and have attended a multitude of family vacations (including back to mom's home town to visit relatives, and staying at grandparents shore house with kids while parents were away), all birthday parties, Christmas, Easter, etc. They have clearly stated that even when we part ways this fall when kids start school, I'll still be welcome any time. I plan on continuing to do occasional babysitting for them when needed. I don't yet have a family of my own so right now it works for me and them. If I have something to do, it's totally acceptable to decline their invite and I am not expected to work on those occasions. It's just fun, in my opinion.