Killer Anxiety with Confronting the Parents

So I have worked for this family for almost a year and a half (not a live in, but 45hrs/week). They have 4 kids aged 2-11. The 11 year old is awful. The 7 year old is either great or awful. It's a 50-50 chance on what you're going to get with her. The 5 year old literally haunts my nightmares. The 2 year old is usually pretty good, but I have a sneaking suspicion it's bc he's so young. The thing is. Even with the kids being bad, I could handle that, but the parents have almost zero respect for me or my time.

This week alone, I have stayed more than an hour late on three different days, with no notification at all, or apology after. They will make plans for the kids and not tell me anything about it til the day of, including play dates where I will all of a sudden be taking care of other extra children that I've never even met before. The work load has steadily increased with no pay raise (even though I was told I would get one at 3 months and again at a year). I have always been responsible for the kids laundry and basically maintaining any of the areas the kids go. Not to mention that they supposedly want me to get the kids out of the house to do fun things, but they seem to be offended if I have to use gas in the van to get them anywhere. So I feel like they're upset when I don't take the kids places, but I get interrogated if I do go somewhere.

Over time, though, that has evolved to me usually doing the parents laundry (which I should also be getting paid extra for according to them, but don't), rounding up the parents dishes, loading and unloading the dishwasher, sorting out closets, sorting seasonal clothes, and making dinner 2-3 times a week even though I get off at 5. This is for SIX PEOPLE. Plus on top of this, I do pickups from school and homework. And now, they are looking at moving, and every day I'm asked to pack something up or haul something off or deep clean something.

After that, I don't want to go home and clean my own home or cook my own food. It's making me crazy. The last straw came when I got a text saying that I was keeping the house up to their expectations. I AM NOT THE HOUSEKEEPER.

Half the time I am in tears when I get home, and dread coming in each day. I want to put in my notice next week. I would give them until Nov. 15 to find someone new. The problem is, I have a huge anxiety issue (which has been greatly exasperated with this job), and have been physically sick even thinking about telling them I want to quit. Any advise?

P.S. Sorry for the length. Once I started venting I needed to finish.


I felt the exact same way with the last family I was with. They didn't treat me well at all and it turned out that I could only give them a two week notice. I knew MB would freak out. And she did. But I took some of the advice I saw on here before and it lessened my anxiety (a bit).

I wrote a resignation letter that was short and to the point. I said both in the letter and in person, "I found another opportunity that works better for me at this time." And left it at that. Any time she asked me again I would just repeat that and wouldn't give any details. In the letter I handed her was my end date and what I was willing to help with until the end date (such as finding or training a new nanny). I gave her the letter right as I walked into the house for my shift so I didn't have to think about it the entire day, and that helped me a LOT! I also went into the laundry room and closed the door after to catch my breath because I had such high anxiety.

She did end up letting me go two days later, but I was prepared for that and I think you should prepare for that too. Don't expect to stay until Nov 15.

Good luck, you can do this! Try to get through it then take a break in the bathroom or something to calm down. You deserve so much more.

I was in a very, very similar situation. Your post sounds exactly like how I felt. But I couldn't bear to quit. Mainly because I loved the kids and had been with them for four years. I was seeing a therapist because of how much anxiety the work and my boss (who was also always late) were causing.

The best advice I can give you is just suck it up and do it. I was crying as I put in my two weeks. And then I only lasted two days because my boss was threatening to not pay me for those two weeks. It was rough. But I am so much happier and healthier and that one bit of awkwardness is so worth the freedom you'll get after.

So sorry that you feel overwhelmed. This job is too much. I would look for another job Now and when you find one give them a two week notice and don't back down. This family is using you like a house manager without the pay! House managers get paid $30 per hour or more depending on the state. Four kids is way too many for any nanny and the added cleaning and laundry for parents is job creep, without pay. If you were paid properly and the parents did their own cleaning and laundry, would you stay? It sounds like the kids are too bad and no discipline is in place. Parents are too busy and don't care and dump everything on the nanny. Parents need a maid and laundress, the maid can do their laundry. When one has anxiety, one needs to eliminate all things that aggravate that anxiety or it only gets Worse! Only you know your work duties and your kids that you deal with daily. Nannies care for kids, kids laundry, kids dishes, that is it! Find a new job, then have a sit down with the parents. Tell them a Nannies Duties and your duties have increased without pay. Find the new job, 1 infant, not a two-year-old, and give notice and move on. Anxiety gets worse with anxiety attacks and hospitalization, if left untreated it turns into severe depression. Take care of yourself, they won't, and get out. Keep us posted and good luck!
miss pat

You need to leave that abusive job. Your health is more important than anything. Please don't feel you owe them. I have been in the same situation. (I was a live-in though) Less kids , but still, tending to the kids night and day, cleaning, cooking and low pay, and a single Mom who would rather be running around. Once you are gone she will find someone else and not give you a thought. Your not a live in so, give her a call and tell her you are done. Clear your mind.....tell her you are no longer able to work for do not need to give her a reason. I have learned so much through my years as a nanny. There is a family out there for you that will treat you wonderfully. Make sure you get a contract....visit with the family before you take a job. See how the children interact with their siblings, parents/parent. Good Luck.

Definitely look for a new job. I worked for a family that was the same way. They wanted me to manage the home with 3 kids and do all the cleaning and organizing for $10/hr and they added a puppy. I stopped doing all the laundry and just did the kids' laundry because if I didn't they wouldn't have clean clothes. I wasn't getting repaid for all of the errands I was doing and I'd have to bug them every week for my pay. It became too frustrating and so I left. I found a wonderful family who appreciated everything I did for them and treated me with respect. They didn't expect me to be a housekeeper and wanted their children to be my primary responsibility. There are good jobs out there and you deserve it!