Finally Might be Leaving

After three years of being with a family whose child I love, but a mom who is not a good person and treats me like I’m nothing but a regular employee, I’ve finally met my limit. Her daughter asked if I was family and she told her no she is not family, we pay her to watch you becuase we have to work. And that was that, now I have a confused three year old asking my why her mommy said this becuase she thought I was family. And she just started saying “You are not family becuase mommy said you are not family” and that has been heartbreaking for me. Whenever I interview for any family I always make sure that they understand that I want to be a family member, an extension of them as parents and I mean this whole heartedly. This family told me that is what they have wanted the same. So for three year I’ve done nothing but bend to their needs, push myself to do more and be everything for them, making meals, meal prep, cleaning, laundry, last minute hours or days, skipping school for them, working 60 hour weeks, everything. But the mom jsut doesn’t realize what she has and every mom I meet sees the things she sends me via text and the way she treats me and says they would give anything to have someone like me in their lives. Now I’m interviewing for a different job on Saturday and I’m starting to get cold feet about saying goodbye to the little girl and about them either being mad or vengeful and taking my last few weeks away. If I do get the job offer the most i could give is three weeks notice and I feel bad about this too. Any advice from nannies who have done this before or been through something similar?
Thanks is advance,
A Freaking Out Lady


Congrats on leaving! I know it is tough and its bitter-sweet possibly. If they did not treat you like family, they do not deserve to have you. Sounds like you went beyond your duties for them. They seem like they do not/did not appreciate you. Goes the same for the main family I'm a nanny for. I'm curious, with all that you mentioned, did they do anything nice for you for Christmas? Hope you had some time off perhaps? It makes me so sad to see/hear so many nannies getting treated like crap, including myself. I hope you find a great family to work for. Maybe take some time off if you can. You deserve it. In the past, I worked for some great families. I learned how low the family I care for is when Christmas came around and I gave the child 2 presents. I am not greedy, but if you have a nanny, she should be noticed. I got a re-gifted ornament and that's it, no time off or bonus or raise....hoping you find someone who respects you, treats you like family, and will not take advantage of you.

Do not feel bad about leaving. You are doing the best thing for yourself. Three weeks notice is more notice than most people give. I think a normal 2 week notice would be okay. You are giving them plenty of time to find a new nanny. Maybe they will get the hint when they go through so many nannies. LOL.

I am in the same position as you right now....looking for a new family to work for either with childcare or senior care. Don't freak out! Take a nice shower or bath and have earned this!


I personally don't want to be considered family while working for a nanny fam. I like keeping my work life and personal life separate. I think it's okay that you want to be treated like family if that's your personal preference but also realize that not all MBs and DBs see it that way. I think it's okay that the mom said to HER daughter that you aren't family because that's're not. Being treated like family and being treated like an appreciated employee are two different things. In my opinion, it was a mistake to bend over backwards for her. She clearly feels the right to take advantage of you now. This mom is set in her ways and I can only assume she won't change her perspective now. I would take the new job if I were you. Start fresh and only do child related work. Be open with communication and if something arises that you don't like say something immediately. We all get attached to our NKs but at the end of the day this is a job and those NKs will eventually grow up and not need our assistance. It's not going to be easy but that's just how it is. Keep us updated if you can.

I sympathize with your pain and stress, but I think the mom is right. You're not family. You are an employee. Because to be perfectly honest, you would not watch someone else's child for free. And that ok. Good, even.

We SHOULD be professional and keep boundaries clear. It doesn't mean we don't love our NKs. It just means we know who we are in relation to them. And being treated like a professional isn't like allowing yourself to be treated like a maid or a servant. It means being treated like any other career professional.