Nannying for a friend...help?

I have been a nanny for newborns and todlers for 2 years, and have a job in the medical field working with newborns as well.
For reference, my medical job pays about $53/hour (but is very part time), my primary nanny family pays $16/hour for a 4 month old, and my friend pays me $12/hour for a 2 year old. My friend started me at $10/hour. ( the starting rate in my area is $15/hour, as the cost of living is astronomical.)
The stress of working for this friend is quite high as their home is extremely dirty, to the point where their child is only safe in this small area of the house that is enclosed and child proofed. It's very dirty/cluttered/unsanitary. Outside is littered with cigarettes and they leave things laying around. It's very overwhelming to say the least and there is no way to aprouch the cleanliness because she will get very defensive.
She constantly guilt trips me that I charge her so much, even though she leaves open packages all over the house of makeup and gets constant tattoos, as well as $80 manicures every 2 weeks. She then quit her job but kept me as care while she usses the time to run errands and study, and told me she may cancel on me some weeks, as needed.
Last week I tried to have a talk with her about how overwhelmed I've been with my health issues and how I wasn't sure I could accommodate commiting a day to less pay and inconsistent income (if she was going to be cancelling care at random) and she guilt tripped that her husband lost his promotion, their rent got raised, and that she could not afford to pay or trust another person with care.
Just now she posted in a local moms group about how she is going to Disneyland in January. Am I being taken advantage of? Is it unfair of me to notice her luxery spending? She complains to me that she can hardly afford the ($4 less an hour) I charge her while going to the most expensive nail salon in town....
Do I just... walk away? I have a bond with her son. I'm so frustrated. I tell myself I'm going to do what i need to do then i see that sweet boy and I lose my nerve. Help?

Comments

She is absolutely taking advantage of you. Re-read what you wrote as if someone else wrote it. What would you tell that person? You need to move on like asap. She knows you can make more money with other fmailes which is why she is guilt tripping you into staying. This is manipulative behavior. She doesn't seem to care about you or your well being. Start looking for another position that has the pay rate you're looking for (it should be no less than what the starting rate for your area is) do not tell her you are job searching. Look on Sittercity, care.com, nanny agencies, or ask around at parks, play groups, and library classes. Once you find a promising job and secure it give her a professinal notice that you will be moving on. Will she be pissed? Probably but you need to stand your ground and be firm. You will create a bond with all of your NKs that's just what happens but that shouldn't stop you from living your life and getting the pay that you deserve.

Working for a friend NEVER works. Quit. There is no way to fix this. She is taking advantage of you. So I recommend you leave asap. And don't work for friends or family again

Nannying for a friend or family hardly works... I currenrly make decent money nannying for a non friend and a family member just ask me to nanny her child instead. She offered me 200 a week full time, that's at least 600 a week less that ln what i make

Yes, she is definitely taking advantage of you! Drop her now. Tell her that your rate is $16 and no less. Ask for cash next pay period. A person who spends like that has no idea how to manage money. I would be afraid that the check would bounce. If she would quit spending, she could afford a housekeeper! Do not Clean the House either. Start looking for a replacement and give her two weeks notice. Just say you need your stated hourly rate of $16 and not her negotiated rate she wants to pay. She cannot get a discount with the nail salon, can she?? Get out of there quick. Last year I quit a job with a stinky, dirty house. They paid $13 an hour for one baby and mom had two 80 lb. muddy dogs running in and out all day. The room the baby and I sat in literally smelled like a dog kennel. When he began to crawl, I had to vacuum as there was dog hair, poop etc in the carpet. Then he developed an eating disorder at 15 months and became anemic. She only fed him breast milk until 10 months of age until the doctor yelled at her. She said her breast milk was enough nutrition! No way. She would not cook and gave toddler whatever he would eat which was macncheese from the deli and chicken nuggets or anything with sugar. I saw the writing on the wall and got out as soon as I found a new family. When I gave her the 30 day notice, she tried to increase my hourly wage to $15 per hour from $13!! No thanks, I gotta go.
Get away from her and She is No Friend. miss pat

For sure your friend is taking advantage. But I also wanted to add, that if you're in the Los Angeles or Orange County area, $15/hr is the very low end, esp for anyone with education & experience. I have over 18 years of professional experience, & in LA I'm offered $30/hr jobs for 1-2 children, & I make $25/hr just to babysit. So, while it doesn't sound like you have as many years of experience, you have enough at this point, plus your medical training, that you could easily be clearing at least $20/hr minimum from other families easily, just off of jobs from Care.com & other sites & if you want an ongoing part time Nanny job, possibly making $25+. Feel free to let me know if you want to email or chat off of here (we can still do it anonymously if you want as well through email), as I hate to see people being taken advantage of. Getting attached is so very hard, I work as a baby nurse & because my jobs are temporary, I'm always saying goodbye to kiddos that I love. However, like you, I also have health issues & you need to take care of you! I've also had wealthy clients try to make me feel horrible about paying me, while laughing that they spend a fortune on junk. If your friend can spend the money on her nails & other mindless crap, she can pay you. I've known nannies that are illegal, barely speak English, & 10 years ago were making $17/hr, so $12/hr in the LA area is a steal, as that's now minimum wage. Don't let her do that to you! You're worth more my dear! Good luck & hope you're feeling ok!! : )

QUIT! ASAP. She clearly doesn’t care about you or your friendship! Don’t ever mix friendships and business -it never ends well. I know you might have a bond but at the end of the day, he’s not your child, you’re going to meet a lot of kids that you’re going to create a bond with but there’s no reason for you to put your happiness and money on hold especially for someone who’s clearly taking advantage of you. You have things to pay, i assume. Don’t let someone guilt trip you into letting them pay you less. I worked with people like that who were VERY wealthy, but they refused to pay me for OT (and i worked a lot of it) or even give me a raise after a year of working, i quit and i too created a bond with the kids, but i had a lot of things to pay and could not live off of what they gave me. All in all if she cuts off your friendship, she was never really a friend anyway.

Let us know how it goes!
Good luck!