Dealing with grandparents

I'd really just like some advice. I am a nanny and have worked for the same family for 4 years. I am taking care of my bosses daughter for a week while they are in France. I have done this before but this is the first time the grandmother has wanted to stay with me. I would like to know your advice on how to best deal with an overbearing grandmother. I understand she loves the little girl but she won't let her do anything on her own. She is 5 and her grandmother won't let her get dressed or pick her own clothes on her own, clean up after herself, and has been feeding her like a baby. These are all things this child normally does for herself. On top of this today the grandmother got mad at me and had a sort of temper tantrum because I aske the child to clean up her doll how and accessories before lunch. The little girl is use to cleaning up all toys before we eat, go somewhere, or when she is done okay with it and didn't get upset when I asked her. Part of the reason we do this is so toys don't get broken, or incase that's not the toy she wants to play with later after her lunch and quiet time. The grandmother said she could have done it later and got angry picked it up and put it in her room. I understand she the grandmother saw she was playing with it but it was going to be 2-3 hours before she could return to that toy because quiet time is after lunch and she sometimes takes a nap at that time. The thing that really bugged be was that she did all this infront of the child instead of just talking to me. I know I might just be over reacting or out of line but I would really like you opinion on this matter. Thank you.

Comments

I totally know those feelings. I have only once had to deal with a grandparent... And it was awful. I'd have a sit down chat with her. Discuss how boundaries and rules are pivotal to having a good peaceful day for you and the child and that she knows these procedures well and you're the person paid to uphold those rules and procedures. The little things need to slide, like the childs dressing and eating.... Let grandma have those. But the rules like when bed/quiet time are, clean up policies, any food related rules (such as no dessert unless certain conditions are met) are your territory and you need her to either support those efforts or quietly remove herself to go read or take a shower. I'd send a quick text to parents if possible and let them know you're having trouble sticking to the usual routine and because of it you're going to have a polite discussion with grandma about following usual procedures and just wanted them to know. This shows them your end of things should she be complaining to them, and after the fact will show you handled it with respect.

I will never agree to working with grandparents again. The boundaries of who is in charge is just too flimsy and I either can't control the kids because grandparent won't let me or because the kids go way crazy with the additional excitement. Let grandma do the childcare next time!

Tell grandma, Look I'm the nanny, I will be here when parents come back. If you want to Do this job Alone I'll Leave. Then call parents and say, , She won't let me Do My Job, and kid is reverting back And She is feeding Her by Hand. !! I'm leaving until you come back home. Either it's Grandma Or Me! That should stop it! If you can't reach parents, tell Grandma This. I have had two grandmas to work with 1 for 5 months, one for 30 day visa. I totally sympathize. I Won't Do that Again - Ever miss pat!

Don't tell the parents it's grandmother or me!!!

This is one week you are talking about!

It's tough when grandparents come to visit. Remember they will want to spoil the child. Because it's temporary just keep saying to the child " this is something special that only happens when grandma is here" if the grandmother offers her extra treats or cleans up for her.

It's ok to do something nice for the kids it won't actually "spoil" them.

I know it's hard and frustrating but grandmother wants the kid to like her and have a good relationship with her. This is her way of winning her over.

If this was going to be long term then I would address it with the parents.

As for grandmother speaking to you harshly in front of the kids I would very politely tell her next time please talk to you privately if you feel like you can't let it slide.

When the grandparents visit here I spend 3-4 weeks telling myself it's only temporary. It's inky for a short time.

Grandma and I had a talk this morning before the child woke up. I explain my side of it and why I asked the child to clean up (Side note after quiet time the child didn't even mention wanting to get the doll house out again) and that if she has a concern to please talk to me about it without the child present. She apologize and has been more respectful to our daily routine since. Thanks for all the support. I've worked with grandma there before just not for this long (5 days straight) I think we have just been around each other to long.