Anxiety about quitting job with PSYCHO mom

Hey guys! I'm sorry for the length of this, I just felt that it was necessary to let you all know everything that has been going on. I'm hoping to get some good advice on here becasue I am truly stuck right now..
So I'll go ahead and give you all some background info on this new family..
Single mom but dad was present for interview and orientation (first day of work). I care for a 6 year old boy and 4 month old girl. During my interview the mom asked me to take a drug test, provide my driving record and a copy of my license for her to run a background check. Drug test was negative, driving record and background check were 100% clean as well. So fast forward to my first day of work. She tells me that there is a dress code, I can't show any cleavage whatsoever, no shorts, no tight skirts, dresses and she prefers no skinny jeans becasue of how tight they are. She tells me that in order for me to clock in, I must call her from the house phone, she has a camera with audio set up in the living room and expects me to be in the living room at all times unless it's absolutely necessary for me to go to in to the kids bedroom. Her bedroom is of course of limits. She asked to look at the inside of my car.. I agreed, she gave me over 7 papers to sign. Papers discussed that I am not allowed to let anybody know where I am located while caring for her children, I cannot yell at her kids at any moment, her daughter must be in the play pen at all times unless it is time for bed (playpen is in front of the camera, she wants to be able to watch her at all times), I need to write down every time I give her a bottle and change her diaper , I can't discuss my pay with anybody, etc. So today is the end of my first week with her and there were SOO many incidents that just made me feel uncomfortable and at one point made me cry. I'll list them below.
1. After first day of work, she texted me saying she felt uncomfortable with how "messy" the back seat of my car is and asked me to get an exterior and interior cleaning before beginning to work... was VERY offended but I did it...
2. When I picked up the baby girl from her day care on Wednesday, the lead teacher told me she is constipated, having gas problems, and has been crying a lot all day. I get home and her daughter is screaming a crying nonstop. I tell the mom what the day care teacher said and I asked her if she'd like me to give her prune juice or anything.. she responded saying "No she is not constipated. only way she would be having stomach problems would be if you over fed her yesterday.. Do not give her ANYTHING her stomach is fine." Felt offended again... but remained calm and followed her instructions.
3. *Yesterday* I'm sitting in the dining room table trying to get her son to do his homework. He is not listening at all. He would sit down, do one problem then get up and beg me to give him his tablet or to go outside. He did this for about 45 minutes and had only done 2 problems in that time span. I nicely told him to please focus at least 6 or 7 times... when he finally began doing homework again, I took my laptop out and began my own school work. He quickly gets up rushes over to look at my computer screen and is asking what I'm doing. I very calmly tell him " Tyler do not worry about what I'm doing, you should be doing your own work. please sit down and finish your homework" the mom then buzzes in through the camera and starts asking her son if he's okay she asked him that around 4 times and then says " Sweetie I heard what happened, do you need me to come home early and send Ms. Jojo (me) home?" After that she calls my cell phone and tells me that she's been listening and watching us this whole time and that I was "very rude". She said if her son asks me a question, I need to answer it not brush him off and tell him to do homework... I got so frustrated I began to cry. Her son was not listening and not once did I yell at him.. I was simply firm towards the end becasue I had already asked him numerous times to do his homework and he was not listening.
4. Today she texted me asking where her daughters car blanket was... I told her I hadn't seen it anywhere and to ask her daycare teacher. She responds saying that the daycare doesn't have it and that her father doesn't have it so it "must" be me... I haven't responded.
I am SO upset at this point. It's been a week and I am ready to quit. She is overly paranoid and I am getting blamed for everything. I want to leave her a resignation letter today. What should the letter include? How do I prevent these last 2 weeks with her from being awkward? What should I do if she questions me when I give her the letter? Thank you so much!! I've never had to deal with something like this and am completely in shock and stuck on what to do..

Comments

I think you need to quit. Frankly, she will never trust you/another person. She has some serious trust issues. Save yourself the hassle and leave.

You didn't do anything wrong in my opinion. And don't deserve this treatment

I would quit on the spot, you never should be disrespected like that. Clearly she dosen't trust you, and if I were you I'd quit on the spot, and not give her notice to see how that feels like.

definitely PSYCHO mom! ASAP put in your resignation your job should not make you cry and if it does anything over 1 time every other month is reason to quit for your mental health. This sounds like a totally horrible mother. the best you can do for the next two weeks is just clench your teeth and get through it. Personally I would try to minimize interaction with the mom as much as possible. Unfortunately this means the kids will be getting the same treatment and there will be little learning for the 6yo and the 4mo will not be getting new sights but your health is actually more important in this case because she is totally being unreasonable. I would explain in your letter as polite as possible what her methods are doing to her children. how 6yos need consistent discipline and by undermining the nanny it teaches the 6yo he can question authorities and bend rules which will turn into a 6yo who will not follow directions and will run the house with tantrums and have a hard time socializing in school. Also questioning the daycare's knowledge of her 4mo's health is detrimental to the baby and can lead to serious conditions. Daycare professionals, like nannies should be respected for their knowledge of child illnesses and if you are not ready to respect their knowledge as truth it is best for your daughter for you to be the sole caregiver (and many SAHM start being stay at home for that reason). it is inappropriate to entrust the care of your little one to someone else and not to trust their judgment on what is happening. Explain how keeping a baby in a playpen constantly, or keeping kids and a nanny in a single room all day will limit learning and increase upset feelings out of boredom. Within a month or two (if it is not happening now) the baby will start protesting being put in the playpen. explain how you cannot work in a setting where you are blamed for everything and there is no trust in you. explain how when you signed up for this job you were not aware that there would be no trust of you and you cannot work in such a setting.

She very well may argue, protest, yell but try to be the better person and just respond politely that you need to think about your health and this situation has become mentally toxic to you.

advice on the 6yo and homework. get a timer and try 1 problem 5 minute ipad trade off. it may limit his resistance enough to get the MB off your back. and if she complains about the amount of ipad time tell her you tried to get him to do his homework before ipad but because the method you tried was undermined by the mother you have to do what the 6yo asks or he could ask to send Ms. Jojo home. Fair warning she may take that hard, but I think she needs to get a little wake up call.

stand tall! you have got this, it is hard and totally unfair but it is 2 weeks you can do it! good luck.

First off this woman is indeed asking far far too much. Can you imagine needing to keep baby in the playpen when she's mobile!?! This is not going to work long term, and she is not a reasonable employer. The level of micromanagement is unworkable and that's what I'd say in the letter. You just have to be honest at this point because you're so new she's going to be pretty surprised and no one who behaves this way sees themselves as the problem. So id say "Due to your preferences, I don't think I'm the right candidate for this position. My last day will be (two weeks from today)." leave it very simple, if she needs specifics I'd say that you don't feel comfortable in the work environment.

I want to warn you, people like this are not level headed. I don't want to scare you only prepare you because if you're already crying over her ways you're probably going to get emotional when she is rude about you leaving, which I can almost guarantee based on what you've written here. Just imagine the worst reaction she could have, which is probably to yell or even name call (I have been SCREAMED out of a home when I left after 3 days due to TERRIBLE home conditions. Dirty no food no clean clothes dog piss everywhere and she didn't tell me her OLDEST 5yo was in diapers- she used curse words and followed me to my car to keep yelling...). Just prepare yourself and steel a response of "I'm sorry you're upset but these conditions are not good for me and I think we would all be happier if I move on" and just keep repeating whatever you decide to say, when she gets rude be prepared to walk out. I had to, I even gave plenty of notice and had no contract and this woman said outloud "Now that you tell me you're unhappy I'm worried about the safety of my children.... If you leave with less then 30 days notice I will take you to court!" and I said "you're being very rude with your tone, I'm trying to be professional and you're sitting there yelling at me and basically saying I'd cause harm to the children. I am going to go home because this isn't a healthy conversation and I've said my piece. Goodbye." I had to email and tell her false accusations are a huge deal and I could not and would not return to work until she replied to my email and said in writing that she knew I wasn't going to hurt her children, I was just wanting a new job and I was giving her plenty of notice. They ended up letting me go that Friday and this all happened on Wednesday. So also be prepared to give two weeks notice but be out of work immediately.

I have anxiety too and while stories like mine are scary I do believe it's better to be be over prepared for the worst to happen than to be blindsided like I was when that first mom screamed at me. You have every reason to leave this position!!!!!

Honestly I have been in the same situation as you. Well sort of. I had to quit my last job due to some crazy things you can look at my other posts. If the job already started out like this and you're very uncomfortable you should first find a new job and then leave. I know it's stressful and you want to leave now but I've been in the same situation. I quit a job without even thinking about finding a new one . I was stuck for some months looking for a new nanny job. Actually I'm still looking for one right now and have an interview in a few days. All I can say is first find a new job and have a contract signed so that the other people don't back out. Then tell them that you are going to start in two weeks because you're leaving your other job and most people understand if you give them a brief explanation about your experience or you can just say the family is moving and you are looking for a new job. Then give the mom two weeks notice right it in a letter printed out sign it and give it to her. She may fire you on the spot or allow you to stay the two weeks. But I would only do this after you got paid and then the next day you going for work because some people might have problems with getting paid if there is no contract. After you give her the two week notice and she agrees then Have a contract that says she will pay you X amount of money the last work day that you work. I know it's hard but you have to make the best decision for you I wouldn't even be able to stand that. I wouldn't even of took the job if she showed these characteristics before even starting. It sounds like you already know what to do so follow your heart as I highly doubt that this situation will get any better the longer you work. She seems over controlling and just playing rude

Whoa. This lady is off the hook. Looking to hear what others say, but I personally would not give two weeks notice. You've been working with her for a week, and she sounds like she'll be a complete piece of work for the remaining two weeks. Just go out and start interviewing asap.

Regarding what to do, when a family causes this much stress, yes: I would quit! And quite honestly, you dont have to be forthcoming and give an explanation! It's not like you "owe" an explanation, so don't fret about what to say, other than, "I would like to inform you that I am giving you a 24hr notice/1 week or 2week notice" I would at least give some notice because this will reflect on future positions, should any family wish to contact this particular family [that is, if you even use this family as a reference]. Best wishes Jojo5798! I sure do hope you get a family that's opposite of this one!
Best Regards,
Lone62star

Given how she has treated you I would give NO notice. Just don't go back. Once she contacts you about why simply say "I can not work for someone who is micromanaging and accusatory towards me. Your family is clearly not the right fit and I am moving on"

This Mother is not going to change. I have been a Nanny for over 15 years, and seen just about everything. There are many families out there that would love a loving, caring nanny. Start looking for another job, then give your notice without looking back. She may just let you go when you do give your notice so please be ready! No one should have to put up with that treatment.

Quite honestly, I would quit.....effective IMMEDIATELY! I would write that in a letter and sign it. You've only been with her for one week so giving two weeks wouldn't make any sense, plus you don't plan to use her as a reference anyway. She needs to learn how to treat people.....especially those caring for her children!

Everything that you have described is absolutely unacceptable. I wouldn't even give two weeks. This woman is not going to be a good reference for you anyway, and she doesn't deserve your energy or concern over giving notice. I think you would be putting your mental and emotional state at risk by staying for even one more day. Parents like this need to know that this behavior is ridiculous and just plain unacceptable. I would write a letter or even an email explaining that you are leaving and let her know that she is mistreating you. I'm so sorry you had this experience, but you do not owe her anything. I feel like I've been reading other posts here that are similar to this kind of situation and I just can't believe that there are parents out there like this. This woman needs some mental help and sounds extremely unstable.

I was completely shocked at the way this mother has treated you. It's called abuse and bullying, plain and simple. You do not owe her a two week notice, you don't owe her one more day, text or email your immediate resignation before she causes you anymore emotional pain. You are more valuable than this and this job fail is not a reflection upon you as a person or as a nanny. It is her!!!. You need to walk away and get a job with a family that will respect you and your next job will be great!! And you will look back on this mess of a job and be thankful for what you learned. It has made you stronger.